Monday, April 14, 2014

Five-Year-Olds, Duct Tape & Running

   Why I'm duct-taping Amber the next time we go for a run (and no one will blame me. Not after you read this!):
       My daughter has two volumes- 1. a quiet, unaudible whisper  and 2. super-duper-embarrassing-loud. When we run, she chooses to use volume #2. How convenient. (Finding a happy medium seems to be a pipe dream for now...)
       On a recent run on the Coastal Trail, she graciously waited until a dear man had passed us, then shouted, "Mommy! He looks like that guy from the movie!" (I am so sure he was smiling at this wonderful compliment-who wouldn't??) Then the conversation started to go downhill as (ironically) we went downhill.
   "Uh-huh" I replied, knowing that the positive quality of this conversation couldn't last forever, and hoping that her train of thought stopped there. {Good, she thinks he looks like a movie star! One I can't put a face to right now, but that has to be good, right??}
   "You know, Mommy!" she (unfortunately) continued. "He looks like that guy from the movie...Shrek!" And there it was. The inevitable compliment-turned-insult from my 5yo. Hooray.
    I really have no idea which character that poor man could have resembled, and I'm sure he was racking his brain too-trying to remember all four of the movies....
     Later, I (really-I don't know why I put myself through this!) had the state of mind to finally ask her which "Shrek" character she thought the man reminded her of. "The guy with the wishes" she said.
    "Oh, you mean Merlin??" (Phew! That made sense-the man was older and had a white beard). "No, not 'Merlin'!" she said. "But you said the guy with the wishes-the magic wand, right??" "No! Wit-chEZ" she sounded out. Oh. "Um...so you mean Rumpelstiltskin??" "Yeah! That's him!" So glad we didn't have this conversation on the trail. So glad. Another #Amberism down for the books.

Monday, April 7, 2014

How You know You're Living With a 2yo:

  Our "baby"? He's turning three. He's the youngest in the house and in honor of his birthday, I created this short list....

How You know You're Living With a 2 year-old: (you know, just in case one snuck in through the doggy door while you were gone)

      1.There's toothpaste. Everywhere

      2. The cookies are half eaten (as in, there's a dozen cookies, but each cookie is only half a cookie)

      3. You find Legos in your bed (ow. ALL THE TIME)

      4. That smell you just woke up to? It's not gas...someone had an "accident" in their pants (that's a fun mess to clean up at 6am)

      5. Little socks. Everywhere. And none of them match.

      6. After using plastic forks for a while, you switch back to "real" ones...and then the real ones start disappearing...(we had 11+. Now we have less than 7)

      7. Everything is drawn on.

      8. You're not sure if that spot is a puddle of pee, or a random, unexplained leak.... (not knowing = not fun)

      9. Your ankle may have a few bite marks in it...

     10. Footsteps. Running. In the hall. ALL DAY LONG.

             And then sometimes this happens....


Monday, March 31, 2014

Smarter Than A 5YO

      A few days ago I was traipsing through Walmart with the 5yo. I was on a mission to find those plastic pull-out-drawer container thingies. But I couldn't find them. And then I did-they were colorful and in someone's cart! So, instead of approaching the woman to find out where she grabbed the plastic dressers from, I stalked her like a secret creeper until I worked up the nerve to ask her where she found them.
      After we walked away, Amber said (in her loud, 5yo voice), "She's smarter than you! You didn't know, and then she told you, and so she's smarter than you!" If we hadn't been surrounded by a store full of witnesses, I probably would have smacked her. Instead I attempted to be an in-control-mom and said, "That's not a nice thing to say to people. And you're wrong". 
       Yes, I decided not to defend my smartness to a 5yo. Because I'm smarter than that. And as fate would have it, we were later approached by a fellow shopper who inquired where she could find a particular item. I told her, and after she walked away, Amber announced, "Mommy! You're smarter now! You told her something she didn't know! You're smarter than everyone in the store!".
         I finally got it-she thinks life's a game, and I'm leveling up! Well, at least I'm winning, right???

        Eh...I guess I'll keep her!

Monday, March 24, 2014

BlondieChell Runs Home

   Recap: There's still 11 of us in the 3bdrm, 1bath house. We shuffle 3 vehicles & 4 work schedules so children don't get left alone. Last Monday was a particularly awkward day as it meant I would have to wait over an hour after I got off work to get home, so during the course of the day, I decided to run and walk as far as I could, then my ride could just catch up to me-simple, right???
  Problem: I only had gym clothes, what I wore to work and no cold-weather gear. There's still snow on the ground, and technically, it's still winter here. Also, my phone battery was dying.
  Solution: Double layer the gym pants I had, use the outer shell of my winter coat and pray my toes don't freeze off in my Vibram Five Fingers (I did have some medium weight Smart Wool socks!). I texted my route to my ride w/a warning about my cell battery.
  The Journey: about a mile into my trek, our friend called me, and I told her what I was doing. She offered a "better" alternate route, so I told her to text the new route to my ride & continued my run.
   I was about 5 miles into my run (farthest I've ran since summer) when I realized the "new route" didn't have a sidewalk-my only option was to trek through over a foot of snow, uphill next to the highway. About half-way up the hill, I had to jump the guardrail and walk next to traffic because there was a ginormous drop on the opposite side.
    I almost made it all the way home in just an hour! 6.5 miles after an a.m. run + working all day. I got picked up just a mere 1.3mi from home. Needless to say, my toes ended up froze and my Vibrams so dirty that I had to take them off in the shower!

        At least I can now tell my kiddos that I've walked a mile uphill in 2 feet of snow! And....I'm repeating the journey again today, but with a slight tweak in the route which will cut out mileage, but allow me to stay safe on sidewalks or trails. (And in my new Skoras!) 

Monday, March 17, 2014

Fred the Spider

         This past week, our ginormous make-shift family has welcomed two pets. Fred and Charlotte. Both of the arachnid species. Let me explain....
          It started out as a "threat" to one of the children, "Do you want the spider (seen on the wall) to get you?? It's gonna get you if you don't --------". We were actually able to use this ploy for a few days because the spider seemed to sense the importance of the situation and stayed in one area, waiting for a chance to be used. Wanted... Needed... (Parents of the Year. Right here.)
          Someone (there's 11 of us...how am I to know who it was??) gave him a name. Fred. Which means that now he's more than a tool for parental guidance, he's almost like family (you know-the kind that creep into your room in the middle of the night and bite you to death).

(See Fred?? He's pretty harmless...as long as he stays on the ceiling)

           One day, I found Fred in the kitchen...and he was creeping down the wall next to the cupboard that holds bread. I started freaking out and begged for permission to kill him...or ideas for migrating him back to his residence in the living room. Poor Fred must've felt bad about the craziness he caused, because when I went to catch him, he respectfully crawled back up the cupboard and towards the ceiling! So, like any good pet-owner, I thanked him for his cooperation and may or may not have applauded him.
            Later that same day, one (repeat: there's 11 of us) discovered that Fred was able to project his image. Or had a twin. Or...a mistress perhaps?? Yes. Now we had Fred 1 and Fred 2. Well, that seemed silly, so the "other one" was named Charlotte. Great. And after I had just gave Fred the speech about not bringing any women into the house. Last thing we need is bajillions of baby spiders running around. Personally, I hope they're both males. We shall see....
           But until they die or move out, I make sure I can see them in their predetermined living quarters. Because any closer, and I freak out...and apparently I'm not allowed the to squish, maim or kill the family pets....
          

Sunday, March 16, 2014

J'Adore Voxbox #Review

            First, let me just say that I LOVE being a part of Influenster (and I still have 2 more invites hanging around! Comment if you want one!). They send me great products to try, FOR FREE. I have no obligation to them, and the reviews & photos I post are my choice so I can be eligible for more voxboxes. They send me the latest products to try that they think I would like! I believe I've been with them for about a year now...and I think I've been able to review 5 or 6 voxboxes.
          Let me tell you about the J'Adore: It was FAB! J'Adore was (as named) Valentine's Day themed: There was a bag of Hershey's Kisses, a pampering face mask from Boots Botanics, false lashes from Kiss Lashes, indulgent tea from Red Rose and a continuous spray lotion from Vaseline for the man in my life.
         I've posted photos, written reviews and done a couple of vid reviews/tutorials for these products. Here's a pic:
   
     My fav?? The Hershey's Kisses. Duh. If it's chocolate, it's got my name on it!!!

 Kiss Lashes? Eh...not so much for me....I got one stuck on wrong...then after I took them off, the glue was still tacky on my eyelids...making my eyelids stick to my....upper eye lid area(?).

 Boots Face Mask?? Pretty good.

Vaseline Mens Spray? Smells great! Red Rose teas?? Yes, Please!! Frizz-ease 3-Day Straight?? LOVE! No more frizz!!!

    To keep up with my reviews, Follow me on InstagramTwitter & Youtube: BlondieChell.


*Disclaimer: I received these products for free from Influenster. All thoughts, opinions & reviews are my own!!!

Monday, March 10, 2014

The Day BlondieChell Forgot How To Communion

The Day I Forgot How To Communion:
      That’s right. One day we went to church, and I completely (well, not completely) forgot how to communion. I know, it’s awful & shameful… but it’s true.
       Another truth is, we’ve been to so many churches & participated in so many different communions (yes, you heard that right. Different communions. Not all communions are created equal) that I somehow completely forgot the order of when to eat the bread & drink the juice one morning. See, we had been attending this one church for a few weeks by now and they do communion the same way every week, so I should have remembered it. Oops.
      Mid-way through the communion this particular Sunday, I looked up and saw the juice being passed, only to realize everyone else had eaten their bread, and here I was, bread still in hand, trying to shushed yell at my daughter for picking the dry skin on her hand because last week during church, she was picking skin around her cuticles and it bled…and was a disaster of Kindergarten proportions.  After figuring out a good time to consume my bread & chug my juice (and ample time after my shushed yelling,,, because sometimes you just feel like people  think you’re horrible for using a harsh whisper at your kid) I leaned over to place the empty cup thingie under the chair in front of me (you know-where there’s a nice little, perfect circle carved out for the communion cup thingies), and I missed the hole, chucking the cup onto the floor and under the chair that I could barely reach. So much for subtlety.

        Grace is not my middle name. And that’s okay because God needed someone to share these stories with you so that you could laugh. I may not be perfect, but I like to think I’m perfectly relatable!